times they are a'changin'

well here it is… the moment when I decide that I want to change my approach on how i meet, talk to, flirt with, hang out, pursue in general, someone. I’m tired of always getting hurt, expecting too much, worrying over nothing. I will be different, I am determined to change this.
With the recent loss of yet another “decent man” that I thought I could count on, i have looked back on my behavior and realized that I have done nothing but stress myself out, over nothing, for years. I have a major problem with anxiety, not just when seeking relationships, but in all aspects of my life. I have found that i tend to worry over things that I have NO control over at all. With the departure of Jacob* I have noticed that while I want to give my all in pursuing a relationship, I’m going about things the entirely wrong way.
With the help of my closest friends, both guy and girl, I have realized that before I can go about finding the right one for me, I need to change how I handle things. I need to learn to let go of things that I cannot control. I need to learn that I can not attached to ANYONE just because I feel like I am lacking natural attachments in my life. I cannot cling to someone because I feel like I am lost in the world i currently live in. 

The first step was learning that the problems I experience when pursuing someone stem from my personal issues: with my mother, with my family, with my body image. There are things that I need to work on, first and for most before ANYONE can begin to WANT to love me. So here I am taking the initiative to start my life:NOW!(: