Such is my life,

tonight was a hard night. things with my mother seem to be getting worse, and the worse things get the more guilty i feel about wanting to leave. she is an amazingly strong person when she wants to be but she is giving up and i dont know how to keep her spirit alive. i want so bad for her to be this amazing woman that everyone tells me she once was. i wish i knew that woman. the woman she was before the “issues” and the alcohol. i miss my mother, the one i saw in the few weeks of sobriety i had with her. this is a disease. like Alzheimer’s this disease is stealing my mother from me. i have moments when she is completely there and alive and vibrant and in an instant, a sip of wine, she is gone. lost to me like on with Alzheimer’s forgets where they are and who they are with. she is a completely different person and i wish with every 11:11 wish that i have that she just get better, that she just find her way back home. she has 3 daughters wholove her and miss her dearly. she has a husband who no longer knows what to do to make things better. she is missed and she is loved and i just wish i could have my mom back. :”(